Reflections...
sunday, september 4, 2022
Almost two years, to the day, since my last real post here. As good a time as any to come back.
Quarantine Blues is now "Pheepy". Why? A car parked outside my front door had a vanity plate reading just that: PHEEPY. It felt like a sign, or something like that. I wish the car's owner knew how much of an impact he's had on my life. Pheepy. What does it mean?
It's been a strange two years, and an even stranger week. Something of a crisis week. Crises are no fun, but they've brought me back to writing, so I suppose there's my silver lining.
The thoughts bouncing around my brain have felt bouncier than ever recently. Places that don't usually connect are connecting. I've found it all very inspiring, but inspiration can be a terrible thing. It can be a great thing, too, but not today. Today, the bouncing is violent, and the thoughts have broken free. They're in my room, looking over my shoulder right now as I write this. To let them wither away after they went through all that trouble would be rude, so here I am writing them down, transferring them from my physical consciousness to my digital one. They'll be happier here; I have a terrible memory.
This site was originally a high school project. The old entries on this blog (most of which are now deleted from this server, relegated to my hard drive) are a daily blog of the early quarantine times. It was all very, very embarassing. I'm sticking with the bones of the old site partly because Neocities makes it impossible to make multiple sites as a non-premium user, partly out of laziness, and partly out of a sincere desire to confront some of my fears: my fear of the past, and my fear of change. I hate whatever version of my self I was more than six months ago; always have. Hating change while feeling this way seems paradoxical, and it is. The past and the future are both uncomfortable and easily ignored unrealities - so, I'll just stick with the present. This site, with its Comic Sans blog posts and overly earnest teenage angst, is the way it is, and therefore the way it always has been, and the way it always will be. Pheepy is eternal.
Epiphany: I am a child of the internet. I grew up there, met some of my closest friends there, molded my mind in the hands of humanity's stupidest invention. I like this website because it's a retirement home for the cyborgs like me, and I'm ready to retire.
sunday, october 18, 2020
i'm still here
wednesday, september 9, 2020
yeah, it's been a while. i've been updating this less and less frequently and i figure it's only a matter of time before i update this site for the last time, whether intentionally or not
finished most of my college apps. cool
currently learning to drive, will be able to get my license in a few months. cool
life is pretty boring, still, but i'm still optimistic about vaccines. if there isn't some big development by next year i don't even know what i'm gonna do lol. game over bro
this site just hit 10,000 views
wednesday, august 26, 2020
online school is really getting me down. it's fucking horrible and utterly draining. i can't believe we're nearing the 6 month anniversary of this shit lol
kind of short on reasons to appreciate life right now. the idea of the light at the end of the tunnel, in the form of a vaccine of some kind before the end of the year, is what's keeping me going
wednesday, august 19, 2020
first day of online class tomorrow... i'm not ready
note: there were lots of blog posts before this but i deleted them all cause they're embarrassing now
